I still do not understand why you will spend N400,000 on a blackberry phone. Abi no be the same pinging wey dey ontop Blackbery curve 8520 dey on top Blackberry Porsche?

So this chic called me the other day to show off!

“Hello Jide, how are you?” (P.S Can someone tell me why her Ibadan accent changed to Yankee New York Accent?)

“Am fine , Whats up?” I replied and asked

“I thought I check on you (Woah that was a shock, I have not spoken to you in a while) Have you seen that new Blackberry porsche phone?”  she inquired

“No I haven’t” (Actually I have I just didn’t get the conversation, so I lied)

“Well you won’t believe I am calling you from that type of phone as we speak. The phone is kinda nice, great design and all. I upgrade yesterday. You need to see it.”

“Oh really, how much does it cost, N5k?”

“What do you mean? What an insult, do you think it’s that cheap 8520 you use? It’s almost half a million naira, babe”

PAFUKA: 400k for a phone, at least purchase a brain that doesnt allow you do dumb stuff like talking over the phone while riding on an Okada

“Well I won’t know and why are you getting all defensive”

“Am not getting all defensive Jide. You just have a habit of being sarcastic all the time. I don’t like it. Like seriously!”

At this point, I didn’t know what to think. I just went mute. No be Queshuun I ask? See me see trouble o!

“Hello, Hello, Hello!”  I said as the phone went mute. 

To cut the long story short, the chic with the Blackberry Porsche phone called me back and told me how I caused her phone to crack. Apparently she was riding on an Okada when she was calling and it fell of her hands. She was so upset that the phone got damaged that she threatened not talk to me again unless I repair the phone.

“Inside Subsidy?” I asked

“What?” She dropped the phone and sent me a text vowing never to call me again.

Sssseeeehhh Like I care! Abeg call one of your ARISTO or how else could your cheap ass afford half a million naira phone in the first place? O_O

British Supermarkets are known to have economy branded products that act as cheaper options for people who can’t afford expensive things. But it must have come to a surpose to many when ASDA, a supermarket chain  in the UK launched a valentine card that cost 7p (Approx 20 Naira).

To make things worse, The card has  the words ‘Be My Valentine’ feature on the front, and the ‘Smart Price’ logo is inside a heart shape.

SMART OR DUMB???: Some lovers might not see the funny side to been presented a card worth N20 on Val's day

The cut-price cards proved a big hit on internet forum hotukdeals.com, where one user wrote: ‘I think it should come with a warning on the packet – guaranteed to get you a quickie divorce.’

Another user wrote: ‘Excellent, now buy myself as many as I like – never get any! Best start practicing writing left-handed!’

It remains to be seen if people will be bold enough to buy such a card and present it to their partners.

The brazen man is yet to be identified by police, despite his face being clearly captured as he nabbed the security camera from a hospital in California.

‘This guy just propped himself up and dismantled the camera and stole it,’ Bakersfield Police Detective Scott Miller

The area has recently been hit by a crime wave of security camera thefts, which, according to police, are attributed to thieves and drug dealers who want to use the surveillance devices for their own homes.  The officer said criminals used the security cameras to give them advance warning on police raids to their property.

DUMB:The thief can be seen grinning at the camera before he stole it

‘Usually they’re going for the infrared equipment, but this guy just went for the camera – it’s the second time he’s done so, We’re getting hit with a bunch of these thefts lately… They’re likely using them to fortify their own homes for surveillance. There’s definitely an uptick.’ Muller said

He has a knack for murdering English, this time around former House member, Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon has taken it one step higher with his latest comments during an interview about fuel subsidy. In all honesty, apart from some few words he made during the interview, I have no idea what he was talking about. Translation, anyone? O_O

PERMANENTLY VERBOSITY: Patrick Obahiagbon's has invented a new word! CABALOCRACY!

Its not strange to see Nigerians take opportunity of the latest trend. Make a slogan popular (i.e AMA KIP KIP), people start printing the shirts. Make a shoe popular, you start seeing the replicas all over town.

SPECIAL MENTION: Davido's name goes on bread O_O

Little wonder then, when we came accross this picture on the internet of a bread called Davido. Davido is an upcoming artiste (forgive me if you think otherwise) that has been taking Nigerian music scene by storm.

Perhaps we should do a remix of Davido’s song DAMI DURO and start with something like ON THE BREAD IS DAVIDO, EMA DA MI DURO E MI OMO BABA ELEWA(Beans) !

I guess it should not come as a shock to any of us when we see our Nigerian celebrities getting all worked up on twitter over silly comments made by fans. We have seen Toni Payne engage in twitter fights one too many times and the same thing goes for MoCheddah, so it would be wrong for Tiwa Savage not to do the same, wouldn’t it?

Tiwa Savage retweeted a photo of her at the #OccupyNigeria protest and a fan replied saying “U no even fine, na only on top TV u dey fine” then a fight broke out! I would’ve expected her to ignore the comment but if she did, I would not be doing this post right now.  So, thanks for not ignoring Tiwa

This is the photo that was Retweeted byTiwa Savage

Check out the screen shots below

I thought the beef was unnecessary. I mean, I wake up in the morning sometimes and I scare myself when I look into the mirror. I’m not pretty 24/7 but hey, wetin man pikin go do? LOL! Follow me on twitter @OluwaSparkle

I was so excited when I came across this video earlier today, so I decided to share it with you guys

Vic. O

Vic. O talks about his style of dressing, style of music, how he wishes to be like R. Kelly and TuPac. He also talks about how he would love to collaborate with famous Nigerians musicians like Tuface, M.I, and WizKid. I would definitely play to see them perform!

I thought the host was hilarious! She thinks Vic. O is very stylish… she even complimented him on his looks and how great his videos are. Talk about sarcasm!

I am a very big fan of Vic. O, and I love to have my “cool fun”, so all the Vic. O fans should check out this interesting video. If you don’t know who Vic. O is, get to know him now. check out the exclusive interview!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYzS_2vihw0&hd=1

Not long ago, Don Jazzy and D’banj released a hit song “Oliver Twist” and the asked the fans to have fun with the song by making different videos. We even shared some of the videos that stood out here. We also shared the first animated video by Area.  I guess it’s safe to say that my day is off to a good start.  This new videos is absolutely hilarious because they featured some of the incidents going on in Nigeria right now like the issue with Baba Suwe, Boko Haram and others. This is a must watch video! Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWZ3WncuTD0&feature=share

Allow me to gross you out a little bit, will ya? You might say this isn’t ladylike but have you ever smelled a fart so hot that your eyes started watering? Back in the day, my friend would cup his hands over his ass, then fart, then smell his hands. You are lucky if he doesn’t make you smell those hands! 

“I had a good laugh reading this post from an angry church member : People don’t respect the house of God again. Farting in the sanctuary during a prayer session on a hot evening is just plain NASTY. The most annoying thing is you can’t detect the culprit; when it happened to me the foulness emanated from everywhere and nowhere. Everyone {including the culprit, i’m sure} in my section had identical  expressions of disgust, and good God was the stench SHARP and HEAVY!!! I don’t know maybe the evil creature ate a dead rat or sumfin. The odor seared its way into the core of my brain, destroyed my concentration and effectively ruined the rest of the service for me. Some people are just agents of darkness planted to distract and provoke serious worshippers. Ah ahn! Mscheww”

LMAO!!! I laughed so hard after reading that post. But I don’t think God would be mad at anyone who farts in church, after all, farting is natural. But it’s only right that you excuse yourself before releasing an atomic bomb! I remember the last time I dropped one of those, it was so bad,  I tried to run away from it but it kept following me. Boy! It was not pretty AT ALL!

Let’s gets nasty a little bit shall we? Do you have some farts stories to share? Dod your girlfriend fart while you guys were having sex? Did you continue the act or you got turned off? I’d love to read stories.

If you think you know stupid people, you are wrong! Wait till you see some of the pictures posted below. Now I have to warn you, you might end up with 6packs after viewing these pictures, but that’s ok.

I almost died laughing after seeing this

SMH! This isn't funny...just dumb!

Lmao gotta love stupid people

LMFAO! This is epic! Find the lyrics -__-

The joke is always on the Canadians

Oh boy! Any guy that hits that will not make it in life O_o

O_O

Yea.. He's definitely playing for Team Gbokomi

LMAO. I have no words!

-_______-

Lmaooooo *falls off planet*

Yes he is! F'oko radi association!

o_O

Here’s a disclaimer: Ice Prince still raps. His rap career hasn’t actually ended but after seeing these tweets from last night, he might just have a second thought about his music.

I don’t know how this topic started on twitter, but a lot of people believe that Ice Prince lacks lyrical prowess. So a trending topic started on twitter last night (#IcePrinceBars) and it actually trended until this morning. Mind you, most of these tweets are not the actual Ice prince lyrics, but I won’t be surprised if I hear them in any of his upcoming tracks. Check out the screen shots below and have a good laugh!

Don’t forget to follow me on twitter @OluwaSparkle for the latest gist and updates.