Its no longer news that Chelsea Football Club are the Club champions of Europe. They beat Bayern Munich on saturday via penalties and although many will argue that their unattractive football is against the flair of the game, Chelsea fans will make us believe that they have waited years to join the elites of europe and that it does not matter what style of football they played to win the Europe’s prestigious title.

While we have no qualms with Chelsea winning the [...]]]>

Its no longer news that Chelsea Football Club are the Club champions of Europe. They beat Bayern Munich on saturday via penalties and although many will argue that their unattractive football is against the flair of the game, Chelsea fans will make us believe that they have waited years to join the elites of europe and that it does not matter what style of football they played to win the Europe’s prestigious title.

While we have no qualms with Chelsea winning the Champions League, how does one explain Chelsea fans doing a thanksgiving service in a church to celebrate their victory? And that picture of a Ram (abi na goat?) been paraded in Church is just pure hilarity! And not only was the Ram offered as a thanksgiving offering, it was clad in Chelsea colours.

Chelsea we understand you have won the champions league, but all these lousy celebration of getting goats and rams to wear your jersey just makes you lot emmmhhh….. RAZZZZZZZ!!!!!

This Ram don suffer o!

O_O

A Blue Thanksgiving

Whether it was written in the stars that Chelsea will upset Barcelona to get into the final of the 2012 UEFA Champions League, we will never know. But one thing is for sure, last night’s match at the Nou Camp was filled with excitement that every football fan enjoyed to the last minute of the game.

As the game progressed, so did the madness that confronts the Nigerian football population increase. We could not help but notice the tweets, the [...]]]>

Whether it was written in the stars that Chelsea will upset Barcelona to get into the final of the 2012 UEFA Champions League, we will never know. But one thing is for sure, last night’s match at the Nou Camp was filled with excitement that every football fan enjoyed to the last minute of the game.

As the game progressed, so did the madness that confronts the Nigerian football population increase. We could not help but notice the tweets, the Blackberry updates and pictures they were been littered all over the web.

There was a picture of Jude and Peter Okoye squaring up to each other wearing opposing soccer jerseys, someone sent me a broadcast that read: Goooalllllll……. Nice goal Ramires….. in advance and I predicted that Lionel messi was going to lose the penalty (which he eventually did) when he stepped up to take it. Chelsea finally beat Barcelona to a Champions league final,Below are some of the pictures we found on the web during the match. Enjoy the Free madness of the Nigerian soccer fan!

RUMOUR THINGZ: Rumour has it that Jude Okoye Lost $10000 Bet To Brother Peter On Chelsea Vs Barca Match. Now thats hilarious

HILARIOUS BROADCAST: Someone sent me a BlackBerry Broadcast saying: "Drogba, you and your babalawo have tried..... you finally released Torres from the bondage because you were no more on the pitch"

JOKES: Hahahahahahahahaha Like for real?

GETTING SPANKED: I will show who's the Daddy..... LOL

DIVINE INTERVENTION: You can't help but think the God answered Chelsea's prayers last night!

If you are trying to decode African men, we have this short piece to help you on the way. Feel free to tell us what you think about our stereotypes. Its all humour, so don’t take it too hard

Nigerian Men = Eye openers,  so brave they can even ask you out on a hospital bed or when you are pregnant with another man’s baby.

Ghana Men = educated men but no clue about romance.

The appalling dress sense of the Congolese [...]]]>

If you are trying to decode African men, we have this short piece to help you on the way. Feel free to tell us what you think about our stereotypes. Its all humour, so don’t take it too hard

Nigerian Men = Eye openers,  so brave they can even ask you out on a hospital bed or when you are pregnant with another man’s baby.

Ghana Men = educated men but no clue about romance.

The appalling dress sense of the Congolese man is carried with pride.

Zimbabwean Men= worst men to date, their accents only make them a “no go area” and they are into care (no ambition).

Malawian Men = they don’t understand fun at all, their friends pop champagne to have fun but they, they drink to DIE!!!

Congolese Men =I no understand their Swagga at all, bleach and tucking in their cardins but ***** **** is aiight

Somalian Men = They chew sticks to make themselves high…. Thank God no trees to climb wen dey high.

Zaire men = Their trouser waist sef dey reach their ampits.  Everything about them is fake; so irritating that they wear those 1950 short fat ties chest warmers

What a Ghanaian man has in Education and good dress sense, he lacks in Romance! SMH!!!

We found it hilarious that MTN’s hashtag, #MTNInspireMonday was still trending on Wednesday in Nigeria. So we sent out a tweet that went somethong like this:

#MTNInspireMonday Still trending? this@MTNNG people be illumanti O!”

Fortunately, MTN saw the funny side and replied with:

@Amebor LOL

HILARIOUS: MTN Nigeria shows its lighter side

We still don’t understand what #MTNInspireMonday stands for, but by the looks of it, it seems that MTN does a pretty good job of keeping its customers engaged on twitter.

You know what they say: Hell hath no fury like an Angry igbo man who lost his wallet! LOL.  Here is a video of a Nigerian guy whose wallet was stolen by a white guy on the bus. It would have been so embarrassing if the other passenger didn’t snitch on the thief and it turned out that the man actually did lose his own wallet without it being stolen. I almost died laughing when he yelled out “You are a [...]]]>

You know what they say: Hell hath no fury like an Angry igbo man who lost his wallet! LOL.  Here is a video of a Nigerian guy whose wallet was stolen by a white guy on the bus. It would have been so embarrassing if the other passenger didn’t snitch on the thief and it turned out that the man actually did lose his own wallet without it being stolen. I almost died laughing when he yelled out “You are a thief! You pick pocket me!” LMAO! I won’t ruin the fun for you guys so just check out the video.

A chef in England has made an aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day treat made from bull testicles. Charlie Bigham is promoting his cock and bull pie as an alternative to asparagus and oysters and other traditional romantic food.

‘Ever since 1996 I’ve been making my delicious food with all the care that you would if you had the time. After all, there’s (almost) no better way to get together than over a delicious, freshly prepared meal,’ Mr Bigham said

BOLD CLAIM: Charlie Bigham [...]]]>

A chef in England has made an aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day treat made from bull testicles. Charlie Bigham is promoting his cock and bull pie as an alternative to asparagus and oysters and other traditional romantic food.

‘Ever since 1996 I’ve been making my delicious food with all the care that you would if you had the time. After all, there’s (almost) no better way to get together than over a delicious, freshly prepared meal,’ Mr Bigham said

BOLD CLAIM: Charlie Bigham says his cock and bull pie is perfect fare for this Valentine's

Bull testicles are said to be full of ‘sexually stimulating ingredients’ and have a long history of being used in Chinese traditional medicine for that purpose. The pie, which also contains ginseng and Mama Juana liquor, is being sold by Ocado.com from Saturday, although the online retailer has already warned of ‘very limited availability’.

SOURCE

I still do not understand why you will spend N400,000 on a blackberry phone. Abi no be the same pinging wey dey ontop Blackbery curve 8520 dey on top Blackberry Porsche?

So this chic called me the other day to show off!

“Hello Jide, how are you?” (P.S Can someone tell me why her Ibadan accent changed to Yankee New York Accent?)

“Am fine , Whats up?” I replied and asked

“I thought I check on you (Woah that was a shock, I have not [...]]]>

I still do not understand why you will spend N400,000 on a blackberry phone. Abi no be the same pinging wey dey ontop Blackbery curve 8520 dey on top Blackberry Porsche?

So this chic called me the other day to show off!

“Hello Jide, how are you?” (P.S Can someone tell me why her Ibadan accent changed to Yankee New York Accent?)

“Am fine , Whats up?” I replied and asked

“I thought I check on you (Woah that was a shock, I have not spoken to you in a while) Have you seen that new Blackberry porsche phone?”  she inquired

“No I haven’t” (Actually I have I just didn’t get the conversation, so I lied)

“Well you won’t believe I am calling you from that type of phone as we speak. The phone is kinda nice, great design and all. I upgrade yesterday. You need to see it.”

“Oh really, how much does it cost, N5k?”

“What do you mean? What an insult, do you think it’s that cheap 8520 you use? It’s almost half a million naira, babe”

PAFUKA: 400k for a phone, at least purchase a brain that doesnt allow you do dumb stuff like talking over the phone while riding on an Okada

“Well I won’t know and why are you getting all defensive”

“Am not getting all defensive Jide. You just have a habit of being sarcastic all the time. I don’t like it. Like seriously!”

At this point, I didn’t know what to think. I just went mute. No be Queshuun I ask? See me see trouble o!

“Hello, Hello, Hello!”  I said as the phone went mute. 

To cut the long story short, the chic with the Blackberry Porsche phone called me back and told me how I caused her phone to crack. Apparently she was riding on an Okada when she was calling and it fell of her hands. She was so upset that the phone got damaged that she threatened not talk to me again unless I repair the phone.

“Inside Subsidy?” I asked

“What?” She dropped the phone and sent me a text vowing never to call me again.

Sssseeeehhh Like I care! Abeg call one of your ARISTO or how else could your cheap ass afford half a million naira phone in the first place? O_O

British Supermarkets are known to have economy branded products that act as cheaper options for people who can’t afford expensive things. But it must have come to a surpose to many when ASDA, a supermarket chain  in the UK launched a valentine card that cost 7p (Approx 20 Naira).

To make things worse, The card has  the words ‘Be My Valentine’ feature on the front, and the ‘Smart Price’ logo is inside a heart shape.

SMART OR DUMB???: Some lovers might [...]]]>

British Supermarkets are known to have economy branded products that act as cheaper options for people who can’t afford expensive things. But it must have come to a surpose to many when ASDA, a supermarket chain  in the UK launched a valentine card that cost 7p (Approx 20 Naira).

To make things worse, The card has  the words ‘Be My Valentine’ feature on the front, and the ‘Smart Price’ logo is inside a heart shape.

SMART OR DUMB???: Some lovers might not see the funny side to been presented a card worth N20 on Val's day

The cut-price cards proved a big hit on internet forum hotukdeals.com, where one user wrote: ‘I think it should come with a warning on the packet – guaranteed to get you a quickie divorce.’

Another user wrote: ‘Excellent, now buy myself as many as I like – never get any! Best start practicing writing left-handed!’

It remains to be seen if people will be bold enough to buy such a card and present it to their partners.

The brazen man is yet to be identified by police, despite his face being clearly captured as he nabbed the security camera from a hospital in California.

‘This guy just propped himself up and dismantled the camera and stole it,’ Bakersfield Police Detective Scott Miller

The area has recently been hit by a crime wave of security camera thefts, which, according to police, are attributed to thieves and drug dealers who want to use the surveillance devices for their own homes.  The [...]]]>

The brazen man is yet to be identified by police, despite his face being clearly captured as he nabbed the security camera from a hospital in California.

‘This guy just propped himself up and dismantled the camera and stole it,’ Bakersfield Police Detective Scott Miller

The area has recently been hit by a crime wave of security camera thefts, which, according to police, are attributed to thieves and drug dealers who want to use the surveillance devices for their own homes.  The officer said criminals used the security cameras to give them advance warning on police raids to their property.

DUMB:The thief can be seen grinning at the camera before he stole it

‘Usually they’re going for the infrared equipment, but this guy just went for the camera – it’s the second time he’s done so, We’re getting hit with a bunch of these thefts lately… They’re likely using them to fortify their own homes for surveillance. There’s definitely an uptick.’ Muller said

He has a knack for murdering English, this time around former House member, Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon has taken it one step higher with his latest comments during an interview about fuel subsidy. In all honesty, apart from some few words he made during the interview, I have no idea what he was talking about. Translation, anyone? O_O

PERMANENTLY VERBOSITY: Patrick Obahiagbon's has invented a new word! CABALOCRACY!

Its not strange to see Nigerians take opportunity of the latest trend. Make a slogan popular (i.e AMA KIP KIP), people start printing the shirts. Make a shoe popular, you start seeing the replicas all over town.

SPECIAL MENTION: Davido's name goes on bread O_O

Little wonder then, when we came accross this picture on the internet of a bread called Davido. Davido is an upcoming artiste (forgive me if you think otherwise) that has been taking Nigerian music scene by [...]]]>

Its not strange to see Nigerians take opportunity of the latest trend. Make a slogan popular (i.e AMA KIP KIP), people start printing the shirts. Make a shoe popular, you start seeing the replicas all over town.

SPECIAL MENTION: Davido's name goes on bread O_O

Little wonder then, when we came accross this picture on the internet of a bread called Davido. Davido is an upcoming artiste (forgive me if you think otherwise) that has been taking Nigerian music scene by storm.

Perhaps we should do a remix of Davido’s song DAMI DURO and start with something like ON THE BREAD IS DAVIDO, EMA DA MI DURO E MI OMO BABA ELEWA(Beans) !

I guess it should not come as a shock to any of us when we see our Nigerian celebrities getting all worked up on twitter over silly comments made by fans. We have seen Toni Payne engage in twitter fights one too many times and the same thing goes for MoCheddah, so it would be wrong for Tiwa Savage not to do the same, wouldn’t it?

Tiwa Savage retweeted a photo of her at the #OccupyNigeria protest and a fan [...]]]>

I guess it should not come as a shock to any of us when we see our Nigerian celebrities getting all worked up on twitter over silly comments made by fans. We have seen Toni Payne engage in twitter fights one too many times and the same thing goes for MoCheddah, so it would be wrong for Tiwa Savage not to do the same, wouldn’t it?

Tiwa Savage retweeted a photo of her at the #OccupyNigeria protest and a fan replied saying “U no even fine, na only on top TV u dey fine” then a fight broke out! I would’ve expected her to ignore the comment but if she did, I would not be doing this post right now.  So, thanks for not ignoring Tiwa

This is the photo that was Retweeted byTiwa Savage

Check out the screen shots below

I thought the beef was unnecessary. I mean, I wake up in the morning sometimes and I scare myself when I look into the mirror. I’m not pretty 24/7 but hey, wetin man pikin go do? LOL! Follow me on twitter @OluwaSparkle