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Going out partying this Weekend? What NOT to do | Fail

Olaide Forbes — Wed, 12 May 2010 12:19:57 +0000

Like most working people, I’m always looking forward to Friday – the weekend – You know the whole TGIF thing. Again like many, I go out partying with my friends, from time to time. So over the past months and perhaps years of partying, I came up with the TEN things “NOT TO DO” on your night out. Feel free to add your at the end. . .

1. Girls who take their shoes off while in the club and walk around barefooted on the Dance floor. Please buy a shoe that fits and stays on your feet! (Marshall’s has a lot of that) GET THE RIGHT SHOE SIZES!!!

Click here to read the full story on the Large Shoe Fail in Chicago, as narrated by Lexx

2. Guys who don’t know you from nowhere but grope you from behind like they know you. All that dumbass acting just to impress your friends? (Even if you know the girl, say hi and do it with respect, SO YOU DON’T GET SLAPPED OR SPAT UPON!!!! ) 3. Girls who sit on the floor in the club, claiming they are tired. (Get a chair or GET YOURSELF HOME!!! Ish!) 4. Girls who use so much Anti-Perspirant that you can see it when they put their arms up in the Club.(I would recommend ALMAY DEODORANT CLEAR GEL,$3.73, We didn’t come to club to see your armpit juice!) 5. Guys who are still rocking the FAKE Gucci’s, those TAIWAN Replicas (Who are you fooling? We Know real Gucci when we see one!) 6. Girls who borrow the outfits their friends wore to an event already. (Borrow borrow make me fine) We understand there’s recession, but we won’t know you if you went to PAYLESS or WALMART and bought your own outfit!!! 7. Girls who come to the club without Money and want to get in for free because they once hooked up with the promoter. (Just because you use to hit that don’t mean you the man and besides don’t be a cheap skate, it’s just $20, Broke ass #!ggaz!!!) 8. Guys, DON’T wear your sunglasses. It’s midnight, you’re indoors and you have your Ray-Bans on. You look ridiculous! DUMB ASS 9. Guys, DON’T wear your Blue-tooth. Not only can you not hear anything, you run the risk of the cute girl next to you catching part of your conversation with “Mommy, about what time you are going to be home” ! Some things are best kept a secret! 10. Ladies, DON’T, I REPEAT, DON’T come to the club with your pregnancy. You think it’s not so obvious but TRUST THAT WE CAN SEE IT!!!! And does the baby-daddy know you are at the club with his child?? (If you still want to party like a sad star, LEAVE YOUR PREGNANCY AT HOME (You get my point?).

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW TO START A BUSINESS (anywhere in the world)

Jide Ladipo — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:29:39 +0000

For most people the temptation of starting a business seems irresistible. Most of us dream of running our own thing. In most cases, we dream of a perfect situation where you determine what time you start work and finish. But in reality, running a business is more complex than most people think. In fact running a business could take more of your time than you envisage. I say this because unlike working for someone else, you tend to make a lot of decisions and also you carry a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. With all these been said, what does one need to know to be in business? I have some well researched tips to help you answer this question.

KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SELLING
What are you selling? You will be surprised how many people can’t answer this question. No profit is made without a sale and understanding what you are selling is essential in helping you making a sale. Are offering a service or a product? Is it a combination of both? Is it a premium priced or economy priced? Knowing what you are selling is essential and it is very important in increasing sales.

UNDERSTAND YOUR MARKET
In essence, what this means is: Is there a market for what you are selling. You will be surprised the number of people that go into business and don’t know their market. I suspect this is due to lack of research. A business research should be the first thing to be executed before you write a business plan. Understanding your market segments and customers helps see how you can serve them better and how you can provide additional services or products to your chosen market or customers.
HAVE A BUSINESS PLAN IN PLACE
It is common in the business world to have a debate whether you need a business plan or not. Some people think you don’t need it and some people think you do. My own opinion? I think you do. A business plan can act as a blue print for your business and in my experience it helps you discover more about your initial idea. Having a business also shows that you have done your research and that you are not just coming up with unfeasible or vague idea.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE FINANCE IN PLACE
The good book, the bible says Money answereth all things. So cliché? More like so true. Time and time again, we have seen the best ideas get crippled because finances are not in place. In most cases no matter how good an idea is, it still needs money to take off. Potential business owners, depending on the amount of money required, need to look at different sources for finance. Local grants, Government funding, Loans and business angels are a list of sources to look at.

TAKE TIME TO SPEAK TO PROFESSIONALS
If you need specific business advice, then contact a professional like accountants and solicitors. Solicitors for example can help determine your business structure, Tax advisors can help on the kind of structure that offers the best tax advantage and accounts can help in putting your books to order. In most cases, you can get these professionals locally or online at very affordable prices.

UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE IN BUSINESS
Why are you going into business? In other words, what is your motivation behind starting a business? What are your goals? What are your mission and objectives? As you answer these questions, you will discover that you become more goal oriented and the business will make more sense to you now and in the future.

How to survive in Nigeria during the Christmas Vacation

Jide Ladipo — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 16:01:04 +0000

Its almost that time again when people head “home” for the Christmas and New year holiday. So I figured I’ll put together a list of how to “survive” while you go “home.” In this case, I’ll use Nigeria, for obvious reasons. Some of these tips might apply to other places, like say, Ghana.

Hope they are helpful. And don’t forget to add yours in the comment area, as I’m sure am missing some tips.

DITCH YOUR YANKEE ACCENT AND BLEND IN WITH THE CROWD

When you are in Rome, act like a roman. Remember you are “janded” and the prices quoted to you will be tripled (Big up the fish sellers trying to get a piece of your money). When buying things or interacting with people who want to sell you goods or services, speak to them in an accent that does not sound too westernized. If you can speak Pidgin English, “you no get problem, just talk ya pidgin”. Go on and do so. By blending in with the crowd you avoid been overcharged by desperate sellers who want to make a quick buck.

ONLY SPEND WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD

It’s very tempting to want to spend money in Nigeria because its $1 to N180, but the reality of the situation is that some things are more expensive in Nigeria than in America. And as we know, you are not Yaradua’s son who came home to spend Nigeria’s money” So Rather than holding loads of cash and thrift spending, why don’t you have an ATM card with you and withdraw money only when you need it. But saying this it is also important to note that withdrawing money from ATM machines is not free. You get charged a minimum of N50 for each time you use your card. Remember it’s just a holiday and you have bills to pay after the NIGERIAN XMAS HOLIDAY!

RATHER THAN GIVE MONEY GIVE PEOPLE GIFTS

If you “dash” someone 200k they’ll stone you with it!! You think we Nigerians are that hungry? Just joking! If you keep giving people money like you are Santa Claus, the money will run out before you know it, there are so many things you’ll pay for you won’t really be able to account for your expenses. Best advice is don’t try to please everyone. Your holiday is about YOU, Your family and those you consider important in your life. A good way to show appreciation to the ones you love is to buy them gifts instead of giving them money. Sometimes gifts are more appreciated than money.

ONE RECHARGE CARD AT A TIME

No thanks to expensive telecommunication system, in Nigeria, it is possible to spend N10, 000 on phone credit in day. The reality of the situation is that communication in Nigeria is more expensive than most western countries, so be aware of this. Also stay away from friends that use your phone as their personal phone booth. Some of these losers can use your phone to call girls they have not spoken to in years and why not? After all, you phone is always topped up. Always make sure your phone is in your possession and avoid helping people top up their phone credit. I am sure they could top up their credit before you arrived from wherever you came from.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A RETURN TICKET OR MONEY TO BUY A RETURN TICKET

I have heard stories of people that bought a one way ticket to Nigeria and forgot to reserve money to buy a return ticket. Unless you plan on permanently relocating to Nigeria, make sure you have money to cover a return fare to wherever you came from.

STAY AWAY FROM STRANGE WOMEN (for guys)

To all my Allen Avenue 10pm customers this is for you. I understand that for young chaps, meeting women is the norm when they go to Nigeria but we have heard endless stories about men who pick up women and end up getting robbed or swindled. Be careful the company of women you keep, it would be embarrassing make a trip home with just boxer shorts because you spent the night in a hotel with a stranger and he/she (depending on your sexuality ) made away with all your valuables.

Finally don’t flash money and jewellery in places that have been deemed unsafe and unsecure. You are bound to attract attention to yourself if you are trying to show off. If you are going to Nigeria on a Holiday this December, I wish you a safe flight to and fro. Have a wonderful stay in Nigeria.

How to Screw your Boss

Niki Jackson — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:52:46 +0000

So that you both climax

Is it too taboo to verbalize what many powerful exec.’s and sexy single workers have all thought about? If you’ve got a firm grip on your emotions, and feel like living adventurously, getting hot and heavy with your boss can rock your work week! Here’s how:

Photo by Gregor Schuster (Getty Images)

APPROACH

Just as you need to be mature enough to handle this kind of relationship, so does the boss. Avoid the guy who throws temper tantrums or feels the need to share personal stories from his weekend with the entire office. Go for the calm, friendly guy who gets his projects completed on time. His efficiency and organization really makes the difference in rather or not a hotel bill will be left lying on his desk.

Now, you’ve picked your guy. The first and most obvious thing you want to do is… your work. It’s a big turn-off to a boss, when they feel their company is being neglected. So do a better than great job. Be on time and friendly to everyone. Wind of a bad attitude or poor performance will ruin your chances before you ever get started.

Attend his meetings, laugh at his jokes, wiggle your way into projects he’s heading. If he’s there, you should be too. Once you’re there, value his opinion but work well without him. The goal is to get him to notice then admire you.

Watch your wardrobe! He doesn’t want to sleep with someone who looks like they cost $20 bucks. If he wanted a whore, he knows where to go. It’ll be a combination of brains and beauty that will win you the boss. A sexy suit skirt with bare legs can usually do the trick.

When your boss realizes he’s interested, handshakes will linger, eye contact will be piercing and accompanied by smiles, he’ll find reasons to talk to you, or be around you, but mostly you’ll just know. Don’t rush it! These things take time. After you get a couple of these subtle gestures, catch your boss alone in the elevator and ask him to have drinks with you, jokingly of course. A response like, “I could really use one,” is enough to have you say, “Then Let’s.” Do not send an e-mail, letters, memos, notes, or texts. By the way, the married guys are off-limits. No questions asked.

One last thing…Pick your guy carefully. If you should get rejected by the V.P., the most insulting thing you can do, is try for the CFO or other exec. Those guys are close! You will surely loose your job, and a bit of esteem might go with it.

RED FLAGS

Reschedule the first date/ hook-up and wait for your bosses’ reaction. Overly upset or insisting that you meet suggests this guy is up to something. The boss who responds, “Okay maybe next Friday?” probably doesn’t have an agenda. In which case, keep your appointment. He’s clean. Far away suites and Pint Houses are fine, but cheap hotels are not! Remember, the point of this is to have an exciting adventure. Anything degrading is a deal breaker.

DEAL TIME

We know what he wants, so make sure he gets it. Every time. But, what do you want? Attention? Money? Promotion? Raise? He can help, but he’s not a one man band. There are several people and channels that a thing like a promotion has to go through. The best way to ensure your career advancement is through hard work. However, screwing your boss will get your hard work noticed, faster. Whatever it is that you want, lay your cards out on the table before any buttons come undone

Don’t go picking out a white dress, just yet. This is exactly what it looks like- You screwing your boss. That’s it. Steamy affairs and office sex rarely end in anything more than just that.

If this goes south, be prepared to suck it up like you would any other relationship. No embarrassing photos or receipts need to be e-mailed or posted. And you can forget black-mail! Besides being tacky, yes even tackier than sleeping with your boss, it’s also illegal. Except in movies, blackmail usually never ends like we expect.

Now, grab your tools and go screw your boss.

Cultural I Do’s and I Don’ts, IT’S WORTH IT!

Niki Jackson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:32:45 +0000

Kimora Lee and Djimon Hounsou just wed earlier this year, and the ring hasn’t even had time to settle on her finger before we start to ask…

How did Kimora manage to snatch such an alluring African man? And… the better question, why did he choose her instead of a beautiful African woman?

Welcome to America, home of the largest racial and cultural appetizer sampler in the world.

It’s no surprise when working together, living together, shopping and dining together that our African men (and women) will want a taste of something a little different.

If you do decide to approach your sweet Asian neighbor, or sizzling Puerto Rican classmate, here are some tips on making the cultural transition go a bit smoother.

DON’T make every date a crash course on African history. You want to be clear and proud of who you are, but there’s no need to start teaching your native tongue, or to re-enact the 1980’s revolution. Women who feel pressured to learn another’s culture or history to quickly feel overwhelmed and are likely to call it quits.

DO resist the deep urge to take your Japanese date to a Japanese restaurant. He or she can probably make their favorite meal better than any restaurant. And probably did earlier that day! You can also toss out the idea of your favorite local Nigerian spot as a first date meal. Try some place new and exciting to both of you. Finding your way through a new menu together can create a cozy bonding experience for you and your date.

DON’T ask to try your date’s drink, or soup or anything else from their plate. That’s not first date territory. It is bounds to never answer your call again. And speaking of calls…

DON’T feel too devastated if your date didn’t feel the same spark as you did. If you had a good date, it’s okay to be the first to call and say so. It is also okay invite him or her on a second date. Leave a voice-mail if you don’t get an answer. After that, the ball’s in their court. Don’t call back or text until they do so. Also, by no means, should you leave a ‘final’, voicemail or text saying something bitter, like, “Have a good life.” There is always the possibility that they are busy or unavailable, and if you had any chance, you certainly wouldn’t after that.

DON’T take calls during your date. (Unless it’s an absolute emergency) And if you do take an emergency call, use English as your conversation language. There is nothing that will make your date feel more detached from you than a lengthy conversation that they can not understand.

DO be yourself. Wear clothes you’d normally wear, and plan an activity that you know you’d like. Even if you’ve never done it, it’s safe to assume you’d be comfortable bowling, for example. If you’ve never been bull riding, the first date isn’t the time to try.